20060419

Scaring White People Half to Death and Taking They Bitch

Mobb Deep [ft. 50 Cent]: Pearly Gates
50 Cent: Devil Son [skit]
Prodigy: Las Vegas P
G-Unit Radio Vol. 20: Best in the Bizness 2

Newsflash: It's not true what the Good Book say. It's also not true what Heath Bar Cliffy say. I listen to some other shit. And some other other shit, too. The news isn't that "It's 50," nor has it ever been, really. This is about P's salvation as it has been since Hell on Earth, when he started to believe the functionalities he forced himself into on Juvenile Hell (glaring on that cover whilst Hav held that fucking sickel, thinking he was hard) and later "Shook Ones pt. 2," when, in the end, Jay showed us he was a tiny dancer. It's always been about Prodigy. His rundown of joints in that XXL feature about "Queensbridge Classics" is laughable (apparently the beats are "hot."). Anything P has to say he says it in verse -- trust, he's a bad interview. One of the worst. No knock on what 50's trying to rile up here, referencing Kris Parker (who likely HATES Curtis Jackson) and his sling. The sing-song is bulletproof, too. "Uncle Tom niggas wanna see me locked up, too" is something deeper and less-considered, requiring a scalpel for surgery, but not as much as "I bought a fresh box of bullets," esp. considering 50 hasn't had a fresh batch of anything since "Ghetto Qu'ran," or 50 Cent is the Future or "How to Rob..." actually. 50 Cent can't believe someone would call him "Devil's Son"...in King Magazine! Believe it, Harris Pub has no shame, anything for a cheeky dekhead (like Mix Hut honorees, too. We fuck wit puns, not guns.)

But P has nothing left if he can't say "Tell that nigga God we got beef." Take "Las Vegas P." Ugh. This is as bad as it gets. Whoo Kid forcing him into spitting on that Pharrell beat that never took off the way that Iovine thought it would just cuz Stefani was doing slithers on it. C'mon, "fuck a actress and fuck a rap bitch"? "The Paris Hilton for the weekend"? "Remember the Time like Michael Jackson"? Christ Prodigy, put the bank card down for a sec and realize what you're doing.

Lambasting this kind of thing is just as gauche as the actual music. So let's stop. At least he's still repping E&J. It's the stark, bleak, honest dismissal of religion, sight unseen in the Christianity-laced imagery of your crucified Makavelis and your God's Sons. P says something we all want to say: WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT. Somebody needed to play this on Easter morning when my Moms was trying to get me to go to church. Which is not to say we're Godless. Hardly. We just can't DEAL with the implications of an ever-crushing garage door of morality round the clock. P takes this idea due South. If he's not shooting and fucking, he's talking about how much he doesn't give a damn about the ramifications of shooting and fucking. Nihilism qua nihilism. Simple repudiation. Now this, we understand.

NOTE: Prodigy was not born in Queensbridge, NY. This means nothing.