20060508

Hands Like E. Honda

Lil Wayne: "Bitches"
The W. Carter Collection Pt. 2

"Alphabet Aerobics" to "Alphabet Slaughter" to "(Alphabet) Bitches" and I think we all know why so few rappers actually do the 'go through the letters' thing--they don't know any R words. So why Weezy? "Mama, please don't be mad at me for this one," he asks Mama before he spouts off letter for letter every girl he's known and a key fact to remember said knowledge by. "This is my story." Well goddamn, if it's your story by all means.

I know we're supposed to be really amped about this guy's borderline Suffenian output but "Bitches" a/k/a "Alphabitches" is classic case of zero quality control--dude shoulda cut 16 of these letters, maybe spelled a funny word like P-I-P-E-T-T-E-S or B-A-R-R-A-B-A-S or something instead. Imagine that, a chick named Barrabas. Instead we get a demo beat for "Hot in Herre", a few connects (cf. J for Janessa, who "didn't make the bed but she still doing quite fine," or W for Wanda, who apparently has "hands like E. Honda," or the chick whose name I forget but, says Weezy, "If I don't fuck her once a week she'll probably go on strike"), and an obedience to form that really spells out, hardy har, why stuff like the fucking alphabet best flow subliminally instead as the main trope. Everything you need to know about pornography, bad teenage poetry, lower back tattoos of the word "TATTOO", and sneakers made of hemp is in this song.

FWIW, there's a part in the song where Wayne sounds like he's totally given up on the "idea" of flow, picks up this barfy street Sinatra singsong that I really don't know what to do with just yet except marvel. It's that grotesque.