I Came To Get Down

House of Pain: "Jump Around"
Hard White: Collectors Edition of the Illest White Boys

Not the best look for ill white boys when according to Rob-N Hood and Sam Cuddy, Kevin Federline's "Popozao" is worthy of inclusion here--and I like "Popozao." 26 tracks of white guys either pretending to be black guys and acting like they really have the same concerns and inheriting the mythologies for crossover possibilities so the CMJ "hip-hop showcase" in Webster Hall isn't the pinnacle of their careers, or, worse, struggling in the booth about how they're white and they have to fake the negritude if they really want to succeed because the genre is fucked like that. There are exceptions, many of which make Eminem at least partially stomachable. In fact there's this part towards the end of HW:CEIWB where the DJ says something like "Eminem, we know you the cream of the crop," and you know maybe he is. But I wonder what that makes Fort Minor and "Epik" and "the Beastie Boys"--a napkin full of ejaculate?

Turf war. Kravitz loves this shit, so does Grundle on the flip, and I've been known to spend hours thinking about Pharrell's "I'm black on the outside and white in the middle" and how properly fucked that is. But what I love about "Jump Around" is that it's so unabashedly white--or should I say not-black, not-hiphop, just rap. There's a fucking bagpipe on this track. He doesn't rep Scarface, he reps the Terminator; he "came to get down" and that just means "jump up and get down" not any sort of elaborate ebony fuck routine; he doesn't like basketball or football, instead he "serves your ass like John McEnroe"; he plays Sega, not Nintendo; cops don't hate black people, they just eat a lot of donuts; he doesn't use 44s, he brings a shotgun to battle. Plus he doesn't hide his ridiculous accent, unlike several of these probably college-educated douchebags either (a) slurring their words like they don't summer in the Hamptons or (b) talking so retardedly white that they're merely executing the black person "white guy" stereotype. I probably like the Pete Rock remix more, but House of Pain, this is hard white--really what could be harder or whiter than a fucking shamrock?