20060601

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Max B.: Hustlin Freestyle
Million Dollar Baby

Max Bodacious is the type of guy who would make-out with a gummed-up subway platform--and the platform would get embarrassed. I got a million of 'em. But no time for that, turns out our hero is--yes!--huslin(g)! I know, I know: Why would we need to hear Max Billabong over jerkoff Ricky Ross's undying flint of fortuitous flatulence (five times) when Jay, Jeez and Wayne have all prematurely turned port into vinegar? Well, let's leave it to Riffmarket to fuck his own shit.

When Jim Jones co-signed the lease for Max Blackout's penthouse rap estate last summer, he probably didn't know his protégé would heed the heathens and jump on the Fuck Katrina bandwagon. But this isn't a David Banner Fuck Katrina bandwagon. In fact, Billionaire Boy Max would probably say "fuck you" to David Banner's Fuck Katrina hullabologna. He practically does on this song: "I'm gonna come and getcha/ Send some nigga that'll have you floatin' in New Orleans like Flipper (ow!)" Now, I'll be the first one to admit I'm not positive about those lyrics thanks to Maxy's nicotine-patch-over-the-mouth flow. Pussyfooters may even go as far as to suggest that he actually says "in the water," not "New Orleans." And, technically, Flipper doesn't float, he swims. No matter. What you should really pay attention to is the concluding "ow," which is Dipset speak for re-exploding the levees and pissing into the re-re-pool from a chopper encrusted in rubies while listening to "Hustlin" on a PSP with one earbud. His Bubba Gump stock may slump, but Maximillion B. Pennydick does not care, he's written the most diabolical anti-south retort to come from the East Coast this year.