They Knows It Well

Korpiklaani: Old Tale [Link TK]
Korpiklaani: Voice of Wilderness
Rick Ross, Biggie, and Clipse: Just A Memory (MB Mix)
Mick Boogie + Rick Ross: Rick The Ruler (The Port of Miami Prequel)

“Old tale about the girl/And the poor farmer boy/Their time together flamed/It couldn't last forever/They knows it well.”

It's basically currently too hot in the Mix Hott here to go over to the other side of the room, so, Korpiklaani – which I'm sure is on probably nine or ten Finnish polkatapes anyway.

Wherein: Chief lyricist, and presumed farmer, Jonne, does this girl every which way – "they took from the moment, everything" – makes her squirt, whatever. Problem: Father would like a different dude instead, someone richer – "he is to you the man best" – and, upon realizing that farmer Jonne hasn’t been practicing even rudimentary birth control – because he was so excited by the gushing torrent, potentially – kills his own daughter, cause there's now one on the way. "The boy heard, that girl got hung," and executes dad.

Now. With the exception of the somewhat Stosuy pan flute and what looks to be one of those thumb pianos – possibly also played by Stosuy – this is a pretty good story, and check that fucking violin solo just before the vox come in. My question: Why isn’t this a rap song? And, similarly, when’s the last time David Lee Roth rapped about killing someone? Or even shooting his groupies in the vagina with guns, or doing so much coke that he can’t feel the 1/100th of his face that botox didn’t already immobilize? David Lee Roth has definitely killed people.

Brings us to the man who was almost certainly handling Biggie’s verses from behind a curtain over at the Reasonable Doubt show last Sunday – Ricky Ricky Ross – corpse-fucking, yup, Biggie’s corpse. Sixteen or so bars (can’t get far enough through this part to count) and Ricky spits maybe fifteen words for the whole thing – my favorites are the bars he spends catching his breath. And the long seconds between words where he figures out what to rhyme with Cali – Cali – and bitch – bitch – and me – me – and hood, with hood. Block nigga? Block nigga. But. Maybe just that Bad Boy production, but the whole “do you know where you’re going?” and “you’re nobody till somebody kills you” seems to be headed straight for that mythical territory Korpiklaani was staking out way two paragraphs back. Not that this, at this point, has anything to do with the Rick The Ruler tape (more corpse-fucking right there, by the way. Nobody is mad about this?). Um, tell better stories, or whatever. Or if you’re Mr. Ross, better sentences will do fine.