They Knows It Well

Korpiklaani: Old Tale [Link TK]
Korpiklaani: Voice of Wilderness
Rick Ross, Biggie, and Clipse: Just A Memory (MB Mix)
Mick Boogie + Rick Ross: Rick The Ruler (The Port of Miami Prequel)

“Old tale about the girl/And the poor farmer boy/Their time together flamed/It couldn't last forever/They knows it well.”

It's basically currently too hot in the Mix Hott here to go over to the other side of the room, so, Korpiklaani – which I'm sure is on probably nine or ten Finnish polkatapes anyway.

Wherein: Chief lyricist, and presumed farmer, Jonne, does this girl every which way – "they took from the moment, everything" – makes her squirt, whatever. Problem: Father would like a different dude instead, someone richer – "he is to you the man best" – and, upon realizing that farmer Jonne hasn’t been practicing even rudimentary birth control – because he was so excited by the gushing torrent, potentially – kills his own daughter, cause there's now one on the way. "The boy heard, that girl got hung," and executes dad.

Now. With the exception of the somewhat Stosuy pan flute and what looks to be one of those thumb pianos – possibly also played by Stosuy – this is a pretty good story, and check that fucking violin solo just before the vox come in. My question: Why isn’t this a rap song? And, similarly, when’s the last time David Lee Roth rapped about killing someone? Or even shooting his groupies in the vagina with guns, or doing so much coke that he can’t feel the 1/100th of his face that botox didn’t already immobilize? David Lee Roth has definitely killed people.

Brings us to the man who was almost certainly handling Biggie’s verses from behind a curtain over at the Reasonable Doubt show last Sunday – Ricky Ricky Ross – corpse-fucking, yup, Biggie’s corpse. Sixteen or so bars (can’t get far enough through this part to count) and Ricky spits maybe fifteen words for the whole thing – my favorites are the bars he spends catching his breath. And the long seconds between words where he figures out what to rhyme with Cali – Cali – and bitch – bitch – and me – me – and hood, with hood. Block nigga? Block nigga. But. Maybe just that Bad Boy production, but the whole “do you know where you’re going?” and “you’re nobody till somebody kills you” seems to be headed straight for that mythical territory Korpiklaani was staking out way two paragraphs back. Not that this, at this point, has anything to do with the Rick The Ruler tape (more corpse-fucking right there, by the way. Nobody is mad about this?). Um, tell better stories, or whatever. Or if you’re Mr. Ross, better sentences will do fine.



Big Jaz [feat. Jay-Z]: Hawaiian Sophie

deadprezident: So, best jazz show ever?
RBHaze: only as good as the last Lizette Meechelle show
deadprezident: as i said, i guess the bitch from Floetry was busy
RBHaze: not too busy to shit all over a Busta Rhymes record, but it's good to know there are marginally talented bitches still biting Mary.
deadprezident: word to Kendu
RBHaze: anyway...
RBHaze: there's got to be a cold dark place in jay's heart when he realizes he knows all the words to "hola hovito" and NOT "22 twos"
deadprezident: it's filled with b's jelly, which is nice, because it's voluminous but not dense, meaning it's lightweight
deadprezident: if you a ho, i'ma call you a ho, too many bitches are shady
RBHaze: i might wanna talk about their sham common marriage, but the show was obviously about rekindling old loves: memph bleezy, bad suit jackets, and light jazz
RBHaze: and new loves: DIPSET T-SHIRTS
deadprezident: where i'm from, it's pieces of a dream, all day
deadprezident: re: shirt - i know he doesn't have a stylist, but does he have corneas, because that looked like a byrd to me
deadprezident: you want beef, we'll start a gulfstream war
deadprezident: maybe it was solidarity with f-a-b-o's byrd-jacking clything lyne lygo
RBHaze: honestly, if i knew god was gonna wear a bedazzled t-shirt to his first show in 6 months, i'da brought my lite-brite and matched up with him
RBHaze: then we could EZ-Bake some raw
deadprezident: and then pharrell could break out the fisher-price and make some New Maximalism
deadprezident: i mean, New Marximalism
RBHaze: Maximalism is the new Marximalism

Rick Ross [feat. Young Jeezy & Jay-Z]: Hustlin' (Remix)

deadprezident: the only thing missing from the night, really, was ross - he's better than a roc chain, or those roc af1s or bleek
deadprezident: he is a status symbol
deadprezident: of someone else's status
RBHaze: yeah, young jeezy
RBHaze: you think jay makes ross fetch him lemonade and orange drink and shit around the office?
deadprezident: Le vrai Big Meech
RBHaze: too much south coast dick lickin doin your best rick ross rendition
deadprezident: i think that warholian ross image that's on all his promo used to be of jay and he got shook and shelved, then had art dept add a beard to save on budget
RBHaze: at least he's not tilting his head, right?
deadprezident: what you know about that?
RBHaze: "ki by the 3 when i chirp gabe chirp back"
deadprezident: not really
RBHaze: that's why our people don't have anything
deadprezident: RIP
RBHaze: f'real

Lenny Kravitz [feat. Jay-Z]: Storm (Just Blaze Remix)

deadprezident: speaking of death, how about the opening DJ? Breaks 101
RBHaze:w as just gonna mention that
deadprezident: which UBB vol was he spinning from?
RBHaze: vol. 17: where the answers are the ?uestions
deadprezident: do you think that was Just the whole time?
deadprezident: BREAKING NEWS: Biggie to sample Isley Brothers
RBHaze: yeah, he's the kind of joker that thinks people are impressed by cut-up Tom Scott jams
RBHaze: still...he loves Lenny Kravitz
deadprezident: surprised he wasn't there tonight
deadprezident: also surprised nas was on the balcony and not on stage
deadprezident: also surprised to see nas wearing a tee that said 'i made it a hot line'
RBHaze: i wasnt, in fact, if he does the hook tomorrow without spitting a verse, he's reached official whipping boy status
deadprezident: and cleaning up post-show
RBHaze: best performance of the night: Pain in da Ass!
deadprezident: always available!
deadprezident: perfect sense of his own essential unimportance
RBHaze: what do you think he does for a living? deli counter? dog catcher?
deadprezident: not even a WC
deadprezident: he also hasnt aged
RBHaze: he's an android

Original Flavor [feat. Jay-Z]: Can I Get Open

deadprezident: in what order do you think jay placed phone calls for guest appearances?
2. SAUCE MONEY (Less fat version)
3. NAS
4. SAUCE MONEY (Fat Version)
deadprezident: did his t-shirt have shiny things on it too?
deadprezident: ma, CALL ME
deadprezident: wo ai ni
RBHaze: 6. JAZ-O
deadprezident: do you think all those girls also tried out for B's all-girl touring band?
RBHaze: i know Bleek did
deadprezident: ouch
RBHaze: zing
deadprezident: when bleek is an old boy, what do you think he will tell his children was the highlight of his career?
RBHaze: somewhere between "Porsche on my wall" and "that time melyssa ford's friend sucked my dick in the whip"
deadprezident: you are wrong
deadprezident: the correct answer is: "remembering the words that jay-z forgot on 5 songs during his RD concert"
RBHaze: what a hypeman!
RBHaze: so, did he actually perform it back-to-front?
deadprezident: hmmm
RBHaze: he did
deadprezident: some kind of undoing the past thing? like on Lost?

Mic Geronimo [feat. Jay-Z, DMX & Ja Rule]: Time to Build

RBHaze: i would say, on the serious tip, it's not an album that i need to hear back to front in that order. it's not a narrative
deadprezident: well, on record, it slows considerably over the length of the record
deadprezident: maybe he was trying to _build_ to something
deadprezident: albeit "can't knock the hustle (marcus miller remix)"
RBHaze: it would have been hotter if he just did "time to build"
RBHaze: hell, we got to hear ja rule before the show started
RBHaze: i'm sure mic geronimo was eating out of the same garbage can that sauce money was
deadprezident: i know dame couldnt be there tonight, but you'd think jay would have brought irv out for a bear hug, just because
RBHaze: for that matter where the fuck were clark kent, premier and ski?
deadprezident: they were working security
RBHaze: jay's relationship with producers is sort of terrifying
RBHaze: that's a far more worrisome pimps-hos dynamic there than any misogynst shit he could get on
deadprezident: but he is the only dude who upends the whole producer-rules-the-roost dynamic of the last 10 years or so
RBHaze: he is, but only because he can get OVER with Bink or Trackmasters or whoever
deadprezident: without them realizing they're being had
RBHaze: poor Bink
RBHaze: :-(
deadprezident: it's like getting fucked by a hot chick, and you think you really put it down, but you realize it wasn't even about you so much as it was about your ability to not realize it wasn't about you
RBHaze: i would say, that doesn't happen with JUST hot chicks
deadprezident: of course, to the next chick, you still fucked a hot chick and get those points, but in your heart, you know it's not the same
RBHaze: if you have that kind of heart
deadprezident: i dunno - i only fuck hot chicks
RBHaze: jay doesn't, he's cold like December...look at him still sleeping
RBHaze: that was a problem tonight: he's not mean anymore
deadprezident: but he's got a honeybun!
deadprezident: don't become the 100th one!
deadprezident: but he hasnt been mean in years, and usually it doesn't bother me
deadprezident: (except 'change clothes')
RBHaze: that was kind of sad, at least he didnt play that during Overtime
deadprezident: but he's writing his own arcs now before he lives them
deadprezident: (FREE THE BLACK BOOK)
RBHaze: not holding my breath

Jay-Z: Super Ugly

RBHaze: you know what else was kind of depressing -- the lack of Dame Dash skits preceding "Friend or Foe" or "Bring It On"
RBHaze: like, those are part of the song. sorry, they are.
deadprezident: just think if they'd kissed and made up - sizzla would have jumped out after each song and screamed "you're the ultimate huss-a-la!"
deadprezident: i like that even after all the hamptons, all the cristal, all the bentleys, he still can't dress, and he still has weird posture. very honest.
RBHaze: please, he has no idea his posture sucks. you think B tells him to sit up when they have dinner w/Daddy at the mansion in Houston?
deadprezident: he knows his posture sucks because no one else in sagaponack stands like he does
deadprezident: plus, his chancletas don't provide enough support
RBHaze: when the world implodes all we'll be left with is cranky rap critics and the remains of M1's wack-ass hypocritical dookie chain
deadprezident: i think it was maybe silver, not gold, which is good, because silver is mined by brown people, not black people
deadprezident: (maybe)
RBHaze: i dunno, we might want to ask gen. pop. lupe fiasco about that
deadprezident: you just blew up our spot!
RBHaze: never that
deadprezident: for a repeat of tonight's action, holler at my boy: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/tix/175142525.html
deadprezident: (or step up your color copy game)
RBHaze: i'll just ask mike shinoda where i can get tickets